Earlier today, I was talking with a friend about his penis.
Like me, he grew up Catholic. He went to Catholic school and had Catholic parents. And, of course, when it came to his body and sexuality, he experienced plenty of Catholic guilt.
In fact, his mother told him that his cock was called a shame-shame. He was told that his shame-shame needed to be hidden, and that touching it was forbidden. When watching TV under a blanket, he was even scolded for touching his shame-shame.
My mom used different terms, but with the same intent. My penis was called my danger zone or my no no place.
As a child, I remember being confused by this. I didn’t understand my genitals, but I did understand words like danger and no. The message was clear: This part of my body was off limits. As such, I was afraid of what was between my legs, and felt a tremendous amount of shame when realizing that my danger zone was, in fact, quite pleasurable.
When creating Himeros.tv, I wanted this website to be about the opposite of shame. I searched high and low, but failed to find an appropriate antonym. And then, while talking to a tantric coach, he said… “Ah yes, the word you are searching for is joy. The opposite of shame is joy!”
And it all clicked.
And from that day forward, my sexual adventure became – and still is – about infusing my sex and sexuality with overflowing, radiant joy! Our sex and sexuality is a gift that this world so desperately needs, and it is time to treat it as such!
My friend’s mother couldn’t have been more wrong. Our genitals aren’t meant to be hidden or neglected. They are meant to be loved and cherished and shared and explored.
Indeed, it isn’t a shame-shame. It’s a joy-joy.