The other day, I was talking to a friend about a recent sexual experience.
“Brad finished all over my ass,” he said.
“Finished?,” I quietly repeated the word.
Though I’ve heard guys use the word ‘finished’ as a synonym for ejaculation a thousand times, something about this instance caught my attention. Maybe it’s because we’ve been gearing up for our next round of Himeros.tv videos, and ejaculations are on my mind. Regardless, I found myself asking a few questions.
Question #1: Why are we using ‘finished’ as a synonym for ‘ejaculation’?
This one is easy. The answer, of course, is porn.
I’d venture to guess that 99% of the porn we watch follows a similar structure. It’s a structure that almost always ends in a cum shot. In fact, many guys fast-forward to the end just to see it.
What we consume has an effect on us. And if you watch something enough, you may be conditioned by it.
Because porn always ends with an ejaculation, many of us have become conditioned to believe that sex ends with an ejaculation. Which leads to the next question…
Question #2: Is ejaculation really when sex ends?
This answer is also pretty easy: It doesn’t need to be.
Many of us treat ejaculation like the last page of the book. Once it happens, we close the book and put it back on the shelf.
But the truth is, sex can end whenever you want it to end – regardless of ejaculation. In some instances, you might not cum at all during sex. In others, you may find it exciting to continue connecting with your partner even after the ejaculation.
Question 3: How does this belief impact our sex?
A belief that sex needs to end in ejaculation puts a lot of pressure on the participants. It also confines our sex and limits our creativity to shape connection into whatever forms best serve us.
When I’m having sex, I don’t always cum. For me, the goal isn’t necessarily ejaculating. It’s usually connecting with my partner. Or fulfilling a fantasy. Or trying something new, and seeing how it feels. And if there is an expectation of ejaculating, the pressure can take me out of the experience.
So here’s a question for you: What if ejaculation wasn’t the last page of the book?
Maybe ejaculation is the last page of a chapter – or maybe it’s not a page at all. There’s so much more to read and discover, so give yourself permission to explore.
