Today marks the release of Journeys – Episode Two.
As you’ll remember from last week, Journeys is the story of Jason (played by Calvin Banks) and his experience with the loss of his partner, Alex (played by Chris Harder). You can watch a free preview of Episode Two on Himeros.tv or become a member to see the full-length video.
The episodes are based on the five stages of grief, and Episode One expressed Jason’s denial. Episode Two brings us through the stages of anger and bargaining. When we grieve, anger gives structure to our nothingness and our loss; holding on to anger feels better than holding onto nothing. And as we move into bargaining, we will do anything not to feel the pain; we try to negotiate our way out of the hurt.
Episode Two opens with Jason on a date with Billy (Ray Dexter). The guys have a sweet, tender connection while playfully bickering about pizza toppings. Billy senses that something is wrong and suggests a game in which they take turns asking for what they want. The format of this game is from another Himeros.tv film called Voicing Your Desires.
Jason states his desire: “I want to feel good.”
Eventually, the boys settle into fucking – or, at least they try. Jason goes through the motions of eating ass, but it’s clear that his heart isn’t in the game. Despite his best efforts, he can’t get hard and becomes angry. He’s angry with the situation, his cock – and himself.
On his way home, his anger evolves into bargaining. He wants to get fucked and he wants it now. Jason locks eyes with a mysterious man (Markus Kage), and they escape into a basement. With his face against the cement, he gets a deep fucking. There’s no eye contact and no emotion. The guys don’t kiss. It’s just a transaction. And it’s exactly what Jason wants.
When a person suffers the loss of a loved one, intimacy can be scary. Getting close to another person means the risk of losing more. In some ways, it feels easier to stay detached rather than suffer through another broken heart. Getting fucked in the basement by a stranger, on the other hand, might be what’s available and accessible. This episode isn’t a moral judgement. It’s simply acknowledging the process that many of us know very well. This is bargaining, and it’s a hard reality.
If Jason can’t feel good, he at least wants to feel something. Anything.
Through juicy erotic content, Davey Wavey created Himeros.tv for gay men to have hotter sex, to experience toe-curling pleasure and to fulfill their deepest desires. Watch free previews or join at himeros.tv.
