Today marks the release of Journeys – Episode Three featuring Calvin Banks and Chris Harder. And things just got real. Very real, for a lot of us.
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The title of this episode is Depression. Based on the fourth stage in the five stages of grief, depression is what happens as our attention moves into the present moment. The feelings of loss present themselves. Grief becomes deeper than we ever imagined. Sometimes, it feels as though it will last forever – and like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel.
When we’re depressed, people may try to help us snap out of it. But depression is a natural response to loss; the loss of a loved one or partner is depressing. And in the process of healing, depression is one of the necessary steps along the way.
In today’s video, Jason (played by Calvin Banks) is depressed. The scope of his loss is settling into his soul. His former partner, Alex, is not coming back. Through his eyes is reflected a world that feels empty. It’s apparent, and it’s heartbreaking.
It’s often noted that the five stages of grief aren’t necessarily experienced linearly; we can experience one stage, move back into another, skip around and so on. And as Jason grapples with depression, he quickly flashes through further periods of denial. He hallucinates and sees Alex in the present day. He even imagines an entire sex scene with his former lover. It’s profoundly sweet, erotic and disturbing.
But in this complicated moment, Jason is given a gift. Alex speaks words that seem to transcend the hallucination – and fuse with the sexual energy of Jason’s orgasm and ejaculation:
There’s nothing that makes me happier than seeing you like this. There’s nothing that makes me happier than seeing your toes curl with pleasure. Your cock throbbing with ecstasy. There’s no better way to celebrate me than by letting other guys take you to this place – our place – to feel this.
It’s a beautiful statement – and perhaps the permission that Jason needs to not move on… but to move forward.
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