I have to admit something: I haven’t watched this week’s video.
It’s not because I am too busy or didn’t get around to it. It’s because I’m in it, and I feel very vulnerable, embarrassed and – if I’m being totally honest – a bit of shame from the little Catholic school boy within me.
This week’s video is called “Voicing Your Desires” and it features the very studly Chris Harder and myself. Chris embodies sexiness. He is confident, present and fucking gorgeous. His mischievous blue eyes invite you to find, within yourself, the same sexiness that he demonstrates so effortlessly.
You may want to watch this YouTube video featuring Chris – alongside some other participants – orgasming in slow motion.
But for a moment, let’s put aside my discomfort and Chris’ sex appeal to focus on the video itself. Because even though I haven’t watched the video, I participated in the filming – and, more than any other video currently on Himeros.tv, it has transformed my experience of sex. And in turn, my experience of life.
Voicing Your Desires is a tantric game developed by Jason from Tantra4GayMen.
It’s a game you can play with a long-term partner or a random hookup.
The game is simple. Look inside yourself. Examine your desires, and ask your partner for something that you want. It could be a hug. Or a kiss on your nipples. Or to get pissed on. Or a deep fucking. Whatever your heart, body or cock desire.
Your partner, in turn, decides if it something that he wants to give. After all, his yes is only as strong as his no. Perhaps he doesn’t want to pee on you. Instead, he can offer an alternative. Or, if he does want to fulfill your request… then, he does just that.
Then, the roles are reversed. You repeat and repeat and repeat.
Knowing your no – and feeling empowered to voice it – is an important skill to own. And having a partner that is mutually understanding of your limits is a necessity. A no is a recognition of one’s own limits, and not a rejection of the partner or their desires.
But for me, the deeper power in this tantric game is to really connect with and speak your desires. So often in life, we don’t take time to think about what we really want. And rarely do we give voice to those desires.
It has been said that tantra is about finding truth through sexual energy. To me, this exercise is the clearest demonstration of that philosophy.
Asking for what you want in sex is, of course, a metaphor for asking what you want in life. And this exercise encourages us to do both.
P.S. Join me on December 4 at 7:00PM ET (NYC time zone) to discuss this week’s video through our interactive live chat!