The other day, I was having a conversation with Brad Amberheart. As a sex coach, Brad has worked with me on dozens of Himeros.tv videos to inspire better, more fulfilling sex between gay men. Brad said to me, “When I go to a city, I’m always surprised by how many of my clients express that they’re lonely. If cities are full of lonely gay men, why don’t they all get together and not be lonely?!” It’s simple math, right?
This morning, we released a new Himeros.tv video called Campfire Sex featuring Blake Mitchell and Joey Mills (full video for members or free trailer). Illuminated by the flames of a crackling fire, Blake and Joey’s bodies gorgeously glow and grind. The film’s voiceover notes:
We could never have ever been conceived into this world to be alone. Even when you make love alone, you are not alone, but connected to everything. Close your eyes. See it, feel it.
Indeed, there is a transcendent quality in our sex and ecstasy that connects us with all of life. And so when we feel lonely or disconnected, sex – or even masturbation – is a powerful tool in reconnecting to the world around us. Our sex is so much bigger than us.
While I understand the concept behind this video, I also relate to the lonely gay men of which Brad spoke. In my own life, much of the sex that I’ve had hasn’t been transcendent. Most of my sex hasn’t connected me to the world around me, and has often left me feeling further isolated. Sometimes violated. Sometimes hurt. The reality is, sex is complicated – and so is the accompanying baggage of shame, guilt, insecurities, addiction, anxiety and trauma that many of us experience.
Working on content for Himeros.tv has been the most interesting, inspiring and rewarding experience of my life – but, like many things worth doing – it hasn’t been easy. The journey has been full of ups and downs, surprises and instances of self-reflection. Holding a mirror up to yourself and your life isn’t always pretty – but it’s an opportunity for growth and evolution.
For me, sex is like a knife. It can be used to inflict great harm on yourself or others. It can be used as a tool of destruction and pain. But you can also use a knife to prepare a nourishing meal. You can slice an apple or chop up a delicious salad. You can also use a knife to cut through things, like tape – or all that extra packaging on your latest Amazon Prime order. The tool is the same, it’s just how you use it.
In other words, sex is also a tool. It can be used for many things. Some of those things aren’t great. Some are downright horrible. But sex can also be used to connect us, to express love and to teach us about life. It’s all in how we use it.
For me, Himeros.tv is relearning sex to be constructive. And that’s what today’s video inspires me to do.
Through erotic videos and explicit content, Davey Wavey created Himeros.tv to inspire gay men to have better sex. Learn more at Himeros.tv.