I have something embarrassing to admit.
For as much as I talk about sex, think about sex and film videos about sex, I haven’t been particularly good at actually doing it. Of course, they say the same thing about sex as they say about pizza: Even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good.
In a way, that’s the problem. Since bad sex is still pretty good, you don’t really know you’re having it – until you experience something better. It’s like listening to a symphony without the strings section. If you heard the symphony without strings your entire life, you’d still think it’s beautiful. But once you hear those strings, you suddenly realize it’s even better than you could have imagined.
That’s what this last year has felt like for me. It feels like my eyes – and my ass – have been opened. Or, at the very least, they are in the process of opening and I’m starting to realize how powerful this whole sex thing can be.
As I’m writing this, I wonder if you – the reader – are having good sex. I wonder if there’s room for improvement in the ways you bring pleasure to yourself or others? I wonder how much untapped sex potential there is in your life?
I’m convinced that most of us are settling for bad sex. Of course, it doesn’t feel like settling at all – because we don’t know any better. We’re flying in economy when there’s a spot available in first class. With one of those flat beds and a hot meal.
The reason I think most people are having bad sex is because I’m starting to get good at it. And even when I step outside the normal sex box in the smallest ways, my partners are floored and dumbfounded. If there was a Yelp for sex, I’d get at least four stars. Something to put on my resume, for sure.
We live in a world with very low sex expectations. I call it low sexpectations. So if you exceed those sexpectations by having even mediocre sex, it’s a toe-curling experience for everyone involved.
So do you want to start having good sex? Or at least decent sex? Awesome! I wish I could show you. However, I’m not an expert – and I’m still figuring things out for myself.
What I can express to you is that there are real experts. There are gay sex teachers, and they’re awesome. We’ve partnered with many of them to build Himeros.tv. Unlike me, they have the skills, wisdom and ability to enhance and elevate the sex you’re having – and the videos on this website are the fruits of those partnerships.
However, a few things really stand out for me.
- For one, I’ve spent time examining what it is that I desire – and have become better at voicing those desires to other gay men. Yes, I like my toes sucked. I like my nipples licked. I might even want to piss on someone. Instead of feeling embarrassed or ashamed, I celebrate my desires and communicate them to my partner or partners. Going from fantasy to fruition, and having those desires fulfilled, is glorious.
- I’ve also become much better at listening. It’s been said that the secret to good sex is listening. Your partner will communicate what feels good. Sometimes that’s with words. And sometimes that’s through the body – with shivers or twitches. Encouraging that feedback, and tuning into it, has made a world of difference.
- Likewise, I’ve become more vocal. When something feels good, I express it. I don’t hold my breath. Instead, I let my mind and body go free – and vocalize what it is that I’m experiencing. It could be a grunt or a gasp or a nasty word or two. But it feels good, and it has made my orgasms more powerful.
These are just the tip of the iceberg.
There’s so much more to good sex, but these simple modifications have been part of my personal sex and pleasure transformation.
I’d encourage you to get started by going through the vast Himeros.tv library. Each day, make a commitment to watch a different video – and practice it. Visualize what it looks like to incorporate that teaching or technique into your sex life. Watch the accompanying live chat that I record for each video. And then go on to the next. Some videos will resonate with you. Others may not. But that’s part of the practice, as no two bodies are alike. Find what works for you!
So go ahead. Good sex – maybe even great sex – awaits you!